Authenticity – the expression of self

The expression of self is something that we struggle with from birth. The inability to express what your true needs or feelings are creates a frustration within you, which if not managed, can in fact cause serious physical and psychological harm. So how do we manage this?

Conceptually, authenticity awakes feelings of peace and joy within you until you realise that maybe you aren’t quite sure what it is you need to do.

To be authentic is in essence quite simple. It’s about acting in line with your values structure; it’s about voicing your opinion not someone else’s. It’s about making life decisions that are in your best interest and not something that you think someone else wants you to do.

Authenticity is about making the choice to be the best you that you can be.

Of course, in the real world this isn’t always easy as we are so easily swayed by the opinions and perceptions of others. Our society dictates a in-the-box focus on life and in many instances discourages individuality.

What the world needs is more people who are prepares to stand up for what is right. We need to teach our children to be individuals who are able to think for themselves. We need to do this by first freeing ourselves from though patterns that add no value to our own lives.

Feel that it is time to drop the shackles of mediocrity? Start by understanding your own value structure. If you are consciously aware of your values, you will make decisions based on your values, allowing no room for external negative input.

Learning to express your true self is the greatest gift your will ever give yourself. It’s a journey of discovery taking you to places you may never have seen or forgotten existed. You will get in touch with your dreams, set goals for a brighter future.

In short, you will be Authentic.

 

I hate my job!

Research has shown that typically we change careers between 4 & 10 times! Good Heavens! was my response, then looking back on my own working career & realised that these statistics actually related to me to. And that got me thinking about why it is that these career changes took place.

The reasons generally given for career changes are as follows?

• Company A pays better
• Company B has a better training programme
• I hate my current boss!
• I don’t feel valued where I am.
• My skills aren’t being used.
• I’ve reached the ceiling for development/promotion within Company C.

Any of these sound familiar? They did to me.

 The question to ask yourself though, is, are you moving purely for emotional reasons or have you looked at the bigger picture & made sure that what you doing is congruent with your Bigger Picture?

Oops! Now I know from personal experience that many of my moves were knee jerk reactions to circumstances and not necessarily part of that all important “Bigger Picture”.

What do you need to do to make sure that you are not wondering off on a tangent?

Here are a few questions to ask yourself?

• Why did I first take on this job/career?
• Am I really passionate about what I am doing?
• What is the real reason that I’m unhappy? (It may not be work related)
• Can I upgrade my skills to make myself more valuable to the company?
• Is there a discrepancy between my work values & those of the company?
• What can I do differently to make the current job/career more challenging?

Once you get thinking on these lines you will be surprised what comes out of the woodwork. Important to remember though…don’t try and answer all the questions in one go…give them time to mull around in your head. Sleep on them. You might surprise yourself!

Now that you’ve taken the time to answer the questions, do you have a better idea of why you are not happy at work?

Let’s look at some possible solutions:

• I hate my boss – No, picking up a Voodoo Doll is not the solution. Assess why you “hate” your boss. Is it because he/she lacks all people skills, expects you to do his/her work, or is it simply a question of differing personalities. Always remember that you don’t have to be friends with the people at work to get your work done. Is there something you can do to improve the situation?
• Company A pays better – That’s great, but what about the rest of the benefits? It’s no point getting a “bigger “salary, but you no longer have Medical Aid or Provident/Pension Fund. Not to mention that you are going to be sitting is rush hour traffic for an extra hour each day!
• Company B has a better Training Programme – Fantastic! What is the guarantee that you will be able to make use of the programme? Remember that Training programmes are linked to not only budget, but Equity Requirements, succession plans etc.
• There’s no chance for promotion – If you have reached that “ceiling”, it might be time to move. If the benefits and pay are good, have you considered a lateral move, this could increase your skills base and make you more of an all rounder in the business? This could also be useful down the line when applying for a managerial position.
• My skills are not being used – That is quite possible, then we cannot expect all our skills to be utilized in every job that we do. Look for opportunities where you can make use of your skills. Help out in other departments when they are too busy to cope.
• It’s something outside of work causing the unhappiness – sort this out asap. Get professional help if necessary.

There are a few other things to look at:

• If the company values & your work values clash, it would be a good idea to start looking for work elsewhere. The stress you experience because of the clash simply isn’t worth it. Keep your head down & do your work until you’ve found alternative employment.
• If your passion lies in an entirely different direction, assess whether a career in that direction is feasible. If it is, develop a realistic plan that will enable you to make the transition.
• Just bored. Look at the possibility on taking on additional tasks; this may vary your day. Ask a colleague if you can assist them when they are snowed under. Or look at improving systems and procedures. Companies generally are happy for staff to provide improvement.

Finally, there are 2 things you don’t do:

1. Simply resigning without a plan B is not the option for the following reasons:

• You add stress to your life as finding a job when you don’t have one is difficult & in today’s economic climate, work is scarce.
• It creates a VERY bad impression on your CV, because believe me you are going to have explain the gap.

1. Resign without working out your notice period:

• Never burn bridges, you never know when that perfect career opportunity might become available.
• You can be sure that your reference will not be a good one.

So at the end of the day, when making a Career Change remember the following:

• Why are you really unhappy?
• What can you do to improve the situation
• Develop & Plan B that doesn’t include burning bridges.

If you are still stuck, find a professional who will be able to assist & guide you through the process.

 

You are your words

I would like you to try this little experiment.Look in the mirror, or just while sitting behind your computer, say to yourself: “You really don’t know what you are doing, do you?” Repeat this to yourself long enough and I guarantee that you will feel miserable in no time at all.

Now if you did exactly the opposite: “I’m good at what I do, I have unique talents” or something similar, you will find that your entire mood will lift.

What this is basically about is how the language you use impacts on what you feel about yourself.

So often, when I work with my clients, I find that by changing their language, using positive words instead of the negatives. By re-phrasing problems as situations requiring solutions or simply by writing down what they are grateful for in that specific day, their entire mood changes.

When you feel good, you do good. A bit of a cliché I know, however, it is so true.

My challenge for you is to become aware of how you speak about yourself, to others and yourself. How do you describe what it is you want to achieve. Is everything so much work or going to cost so much money, or do you have a task breakdown with realistic time-lines and an accurate costing.

When your language is positive, your goals become achievable. When your language is negative your dreams become nothing more than mist before the sun.

You choose.

Master Juggler?

As Working Moms, we are constantly admonished through a variety of channels to maintain a Balanced Life between work and everything else. This conjures up a picture of a scale that’s supposed to be in equilibrium. Is this realistic? I personally don’t think so, and this is why.

To live productively, we need to integrate all aspects of who we are. We need to be aware of the fact that work is not on one hand and everything else on the other. If anything, we are master jugglers. The knack is to not at any given time allocate the same priority to everything.

For example, once I have picked my daughter up from school, she is my focus, when she is at school my work is my focus. Once hubby is home, the family unit is my focus. The rest i.e. extended family, friends etc have to fit in around that. Is it difficult, absolutely, is it worth the effort, absolutely.

My most treasured tool, my diary. Each term I allocate school items. Each daily item is written in a different colour, making it easier to see where one tasks starts and another ends. Where possible I allocate like tasks together on the same day. And very importantly, I mark off each completed task. This helps you answer that pesky “So what did you do today?” question.

Keep in mind that not every task is a priority. Deadline tasks have first priority, if it’s not a priority and you don’t get to it, it’s really ok, cross it off and allocate to another day. And yes, adding tasks that pop out of nowhere is fine too.
If after all this, you still feel harassed; take a look at your value structure. What you are trying to achieve may not be inline with your values and this rift is what causes the anxiety.

What would you do if you weren’t afraid?

What would you do if you weren’t afraid? Not really a question that most people ask themselves, I know I hadn’t until I read this quote. I don’t think it’s a mind-set that has actually really been encouraged until the last few years with people starting to take on the responsibility of developing themselves and growing to their full potential.

A scary process, yet a process I found to be life changing. However, I didn’t attempt it blindly, I had the help of  Life Coaching. For me it was a first, after all, I can do everything on my own. At least I thought so. I apparently told my mom many years ago when I was still a “tween” that I didn’t need people.

Many moons later and a tad wiser, I think, I’ve come to realise that there are times when having someone walk along with you, who has your back, yet no vested interest in the outcome, makes taking that road “less travelled” so much easier.

So, what did I do? I took a deep breath and started my own business. Almost two years down the road, I’m still here and providing a service to those who need it.

What else? I now live my life according to my values and don’t allow others to dictate to me as to how I should live my life. Can be tricky sometimes as friends and family don’t always “get” the changes that you are making. More often than not it’s about negotiating new boundaries. Sometimes this happens naturally, other times it takes hard work and persistence.

Where to from now? Develop my business further and one of these fine days, my family and I will be on our farm, farming with goats and making cheese. Of course my daughter has a long list of animals required. Going to take some serious negotiation to ge that list shorter!

So when you have a chance, think about what you would do if you weren’t afraid. You may well surprise yourself.

Finding Your Purpose

Everyone has a purpose. You have something to give to the world that will not only enhance your own life, but also the people around you. Your purpose is not necessarily something that is Helen Zille big; you may be the stay-at-home-mom who is raising the next Helen Zille, which is just as important. Living your purpose gives you the energy and contentment that impacts on all areas of your life and the people who you come into contact with. It is life-changing.

Finding that purpose is however, were you may be stuck. Fortunately there are professionals with tools and practices who can help us through the process.

Finding your purpose is two fold. Firstly it is about passion. Be careful though, as this isn’t a 100% foolproof mechanism, merely a guide. Why? While you may be passionate about something, you may not be very good at it. A shining example are those kids who take part in the reality shows for singing and quite frankly, shouldn’t be on the stage.

Secondly, know your strengths. Not what you can do, that’s brain work. I’m talking about that which comes so naturally, you don’t even think about it, you just do it.

So here is a little exercise that may help you along your way. Set some time aside. Okay, stop laughing. Write down at least 5 things that you are passionate about, don’t think about whether they are realistic or even do-able, 5 things that you love to do and will make all the time in the world to do and lastly 5 things that you do that come so naturally to you, you don’t even notice. See if any of these items on your list link up. There you go; you’ve taken the first step to finding your purpose.